“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh
Several years ago, I was in an unhealthy and unhappy relationship. It didn’t start out that way, of course. During the first year that we were together, I was in heaven. I was blissfully happy and everything seemed perfect.
My partner and I were so in love and happy just to be together; you couldn’t keep us apart.
It was an year later that the trouble started. It was when my partner reconnected with a girl from his past that our relationship started to fall apart. It is hard to say if things would have fallen apart in time anyway, but this other girl certainly contributed to bringing us unstuck.
My partner told me that they had never been a couple, but that he used to be attracted to this girl and now they are just friends. I thought nothing of it at first because I thought I could trust my partner completely.
Eventually though, I noticed that he was spending more time with her, and when I would ask him about it, he always made it seem like I was a bad person for being suspicious.
I started reading messages on his phone because my gut instinct was telling me that something was not right.When I confronted him with the incriminating messages, he got very angry. He denied everything and berated me for having so little faith in him. All of this made me quite depressed, and eventually I became very bitter. We were fighting almost constantly over the smallest things.
I was bitter with the world and, yes, I became bitter with myself. I did not like the person I had become.
I was always stressed out, suspicious, and unhappy. I blamed myself for the status of our relationship. I started believing that I was the one at fault and that he was the injured party.
After some time, his affair with the woman finally came to light and we broke up. Even after having confirmed that all my suspicions were correct and that I had done myself a favor by ending the relationship, I was still extremely unhappy. I still carried a lot of bitterness inside me.
I could not understand why something so bad could happen to a good person like me. I was angry with my ex and was equally angry at the world.
The recurring question I had in my head was, “What is love, and what on earth did I do to deserve this?”
With the passing phase of time
I realized that I was ultimately responsible for all the unhappiness and bitterness I was feeling.
I needed to forgive myself for having stayed in an unhealthy relationship for far too long. I needed to free myself of unrealistic expectations and get on with my life and all that it had to offer.
As soon as I started doing this, things immediately began to change.
I discovered things about myself that I didn’t even know existed and I realized that there was a lot to love about myself and about life in general. I focused on always fighting for the positive view no matter what the situation was.
If it weren’t the relationship, then my insecurities, pain, and upset would have come out in another life drama.
When I understood where my insecurities of worry were anchored, I could then deal with everyday emotions of negativity by seeing them for what they were.
I could see that it wasn’t my circumstances that made me feel unhappy, negative, and resentful. They just took me to a fearful place in myself. What I needed to do was learn how to deal with those situations in a healthy way.
I’ve learned that stamping your feet and flailing your arms at the unfairness doesn’t solve anything; slopping around in life’s negative emotions hurts nobody but yourself.
I was actually free enough to love too. I had more to give, as I wasn’t so preoccupied with trying to be loved. It turned out to be the kind of love that leads to a long, happy, healthy relationship.
This positive love that now fills my heart and my world is available to every single one of us.
if you can deeply connect with the real you, who wants, needs, and above all deserves to be loved, a freedom lies ahead that is beautiful to behold.
